In this article the author questions whether or not it is beneficial for unhappy parents to stay together for the sake of their children. Do the parents consider the child’s feelings, or is it a selfish choice? More often than not it seems parents’ divorce to make themselves more comfortable. It wasn’t until the 1970s when Dr. Judith Wallerstein, PhD challenged the thought that divorce had no impact on children. “Paradise for kids from ruptured families [isn't] easily regained.”
2. Discuss the research information, examples, and key points the author presents to back-up and emphasize the main idea/purpose of the article.
The author refers to many acclaimed authors in the field, including: Stephanie Staal's The Love They Lost (written by a child of divorce), The Case for Marriage by Linda Waite and Maggie Gallagher (states that even troubled marriages are better than divorce for children), and Judith Wallerstein, The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce (Hyperion). The most controversial book is Wallerstein’s which argues that “harm caused by divorce is graver and longer lasting that we suspected.”
3. How does the material in the article relate and connect to the text and other materials presented this week?
After reading the article I really linked it to Erikson’s theory of Intimacy vs. Isolation. Intimacy involves the ability to form healthy emotional bonds with another person, and isolation is the opposite of this. Those who are isolated or have not grown up with a loving example of a relationship are often unable to properly form these HEALTHY relationships. When parents’ divorce children no longer have an example of a loving relationship with another person. “Indeed, its most harmful and profound effects tend to show up as the children reach maturity and struggle to form their own adult relationships. They’re gun-shy. The slightest conflict sends them running. Expecting disaster, they create disaster. ‘They look for love in strange places,’ Wallerstein says, ‘They may terrible errors of judgment in whom they choose.”
4. What did you learn from article?
From this article I learned that I’m not alone. Being a child of divorce I knew that the divorce wasn’t my fault. I actually saw it coming. But because of it I became estranged from my father. This created all sorts of chaos in my upbringing. I have looked for love in all the wrong places, and at 29 years old I feel that I’m finally ready to look in the right place! My brothers, on the other hand, have a much closer relationship with my father and they are both happily married with wonderful spouses. It is strange how different life can turn out for kids from the same family.
Indecision, procrastination, and fear are in my opinion the most dangerous words. Because when you give them a small chance, even a seemingly small issue has the potential to trigger a progression of events that are either good or bad. The question whether couples should stay together for the sake of kids, is a tricky one depending on the motive for flight. I think the first thing first for anyone that’s found in this dilemma is to decide where the journey will begin. And then determine to stay focused, spend quality time and money in the pursuit for a resolution through counseling or reaching out for help. Because, indeed nothing works until we work it.
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